This happens everyday...

well not THIS specifically... but inevitably, following the instruction and input from God, (like the last post) I walk away from that and find something that 'tests' what I've just received (usually within seconds). The minute I walked away from publishing that post I found my babes outside with the BBQ fat tray...not for the first time. Oh how I need help with self control during these moments so that I won't yell because I'm really frustrated.

The best thing about this morning is that I didn't yell.

I'm not HAPPY about it, I think you'd have to be a weirdo to be happy about that mess! But, with God (and with baby steps) perhaps I'm moving toward a little more self control with reactions. A little more 'stooping without sighing' (or yelling!)

I haven't been 'stooping without sighing'...

...and there's been far too much frustration around here lately :(
I'm not happy with myself. And boy did I need to read this article:

Stooping Without Sighing

I LOVE how God does that...goes ahead of us to prepare what we need when He knows we'll be needing it. He's infinitely more good to me than I deserve

• one of my camellia flowers. i love camellias! and roses, tulips, orchids, lillies, gerberas...I could go on and on! I love flowers :) but the best thing about camellias is how they flower when all the other ones are done.
• mum comes back today :)
  
• we had the class teddy 'Archie' visit with us last night. was very cute watching Josh take care of it
• i just want to crochet granny squares all day lol! and bake...
  
• mother's day was awesome. ella gave me a PROPER spontaneous kiss!! her first :) so special. will do a separate post for mothers day I think
• pondering what it really means to 'seek first the kingdom' and what that looks like for me.
  
• thinking I should get out in my neglected garden...especially since this weather is just amazing!
  

I can relate...

this post put my feelings into words, particularly this part:

I want my heart to break for the things that break God’s heart. I want to see people like He sees them.

And I too, want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit that when I speak (to anyone, but especially to my children during this season of my life) He does the talking and touches their lives in deep, deep places.

My heart goes out to the people of Haiti. My immediate reaction is that I want to go there, help in any possible way. At this point that doesn't seem possible or practical. So we will ask God to guide us in how we give...and pray.

Focus on eternity...

...when it comes down to it, the cross isn’t the last word. The resurrection is.

I don't believe in coincidences

photo by hunter cape

Two of my favourite blogs referred to Amy Carmichael today. One even had this excerpt from her book, 'If'

'If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve round myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If, the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold, I do not shut the door, and keep that door shut, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I covet any place on earth but the dust at the foot of the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That which I know not, teach Thou me, O Lord, my God.'

I have the purple line written in one of my journals from many years ago when I heard it quoted by a preacher. This whole concept is huge...for me at least. And I don't believe it's a coincidence that today I came upon 2 references to the lady who wrote this. I have been enjoying a quiet afternoon, listening to some music that's got me looking up :) and enjoying some precious time with the lover of my soul.

I thank God that He takes the time to speak words of life to me...however it may come.

prayer box

I really like this idea...something else I might just have to incorporate into our lives :)

What a day!

...every day we have a choice - to respond to the things that happen in a godly way or to follow the leading of our flesh and just 'react' .

Something happened this morning that really upset me (it had to do with something expensive that was totally out of our control). I was tempted to just fall apart and forget that God is in control (I've had a really emotional start to the week, and will be really glad when I am no longer so affected by hormones!).

Anyway, thankfully that 'still small voice' made an impact, and by the grace of God I was able to discuss with Josh (who unfortunately was more interested in eating than the major point i was making!) that altho something had happened that had upset me, I KNOW that God is in control, and that He's taking care of us. no matter what

Josh actually then brought up the song that Kids on the Rock sang on sunday night, telling me it was a song I didn't know :) so I say, 'I know that song' and start singing it...and the words:

'the storms may come and go, but the peace of God you will know'

really impacted me, because as I had affirmed out loud that God was in control I truly felt the peace of God...in spite of the fact that the situation remained unchanged.

And although the peace of God is more than enough, ALSO by the end of the day the issue was totally resolved (costing us a mere $20!) and the curtain fabric I bought for Malakai's room was less than half price!! lol, so it ended up being a pretty cool day (and now I'm nearly finished his curtains - that definitely feels good!)

I am so grateful that God really is in control :)

Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you.
1Peter 5:7

Perspective

I just quickly read this article about the term, SAHM (stay at home mum). It's funny, cause even tho I work 2 days a week 'outside' the home, I still consider myself a SAHM (altho maybe not anymore, after reading that article!) so this article was particularly interesting.

never underestimate the creative power of thoughts and words

'...for as he thinks in his heart, so is he'
Proverbs 23:7

a few random thoughts

yay! invitations all done and posted :) and I've even had my first rsvp! I'm really excited about turning 30 now, I think it makes it more fun having a celebration rather than dwelling on my 20's being gone forever!! lol, so dramatic ;) i'm only inviting the girls...thought that would be nice and then they can leave their little blessings with their husbands (where possible) and just enjoy themselves.

i'm feeling that icky feeling you get just before you get full-blown sick. So I'm praying like crazy cause I just don't want to get sick. I mean, no one ever really wants to get sick, but this time I'm cranky about it! be GONE in Jesus name!

i saw an excellent preaching video last night. it was about knowing God...well it was really about knowing God MORE. Really knowing, having a close, intimate, transparent relationship with Him. There were many many points that spoke to me, but I'll just share one...about Job. (I'm pretty shocking with remembering exactly what people say, so I'll just have tell it from kinda what I got out of it...)

Job knew God, to the point that God bragged about him. But it was like God wanted the relationship a little deeper, so he allowed things to happen and be taken away from Job...to bring him to a place where He could reveal more of Himself to him. Bro Arnold referred to this knowing God like a ladder, moving up the rungs of the ladder as we know Him more.

This spoke to me because of the dark time I've just come through...so dark that I really couldn't put it into words. And unfortunately right at the darkest times, I received judgement and a lot of people said a lot of hurtful things...sadly, never directly to me. While I was going through all that I just couldn't see the way clearly. BUT praise God, it's all becoming clear now. Joy has become mine as the sun breaks through my darkness...and I have learned:

• that change is often painful but essential to growth - and I want growth

• a lot more about real forgiveness...and how hard it can be
  

• that God allowed all this to happen because He wanted a deeper, 'more real' relationship with me, and now that I am moving into that, the experiences of the past few years don't sting anymore. I can see them as a catalyst to something so much more valuable
  

• I am truly grateful that God has 'bothered' to do all this for me...purely because He wants a closer relationship with me. In fact, when I really think about this I am totally overwhelmed and humbled

• to appreciate those people God puts in our lives who love and support us no matter what. They are rare and precious gifts

oh wow...I think I could just go on and on! But this post is already long enough :)

I think I'll head off to bed in an attempt to fight off this 'ickyness'!

growing old (and growing up)

I just read the section in Notebook magazine about 'The age I am'...and as I have about 7 weeks before I turn 30 I was curious to read other people's perspectives on aging. If you've read it I'd be interested to hear what you thought. I found it thought provoking if nothing else. Although one comment from the writer in her 50's made me profoundly sad,

'The thought of my own death comes more often now. I'm not a religious person, so every day I try to come to terms with the extraordinary notion I'll return to the nothingness of before I was born'.

I certainly am not at the stage in life where I am faced with my own mortality on a daily basis (although none of us have any guarantees, no matter how young) but I am reassured at the very core of my being that I don't have to face nothingness when that day comes. In fact, I have the great privilege of knowing that when I do die, I will see my friend, my saviour, the lover of my soul and there can be nothing sweeter. What a blessing that instead of viewing death with fear, or worse - apathy - I can instead view it as a reward.

Strangely enough, as I close in on that milestone of turning 30 I am getting excited. When I turned 29 I was horrified at the thought of 30 being so close (and don't laugh if you're well past 30 and never felt that way!) but now...I don't know, I feel like it's gonna be the start of a great adventure! I am SO much more comfortable in my own skin. I have learned many, many lessons (with many more to come) and am grateful that God loves me for who I am but also loves me enough to take me beyond that...to dig deeper and deeper in me and weed out the stuff that's ugly and unnecessary and doesn't glorify Him.

One thing's for sure tho, when my mortality is staring me in the face, I want to cling to the promises of my God and know that it won't be long before I see His face. And I want to look back on my life knowing I gave it my best shot, that I lived in the moment and thanked Him each day for the blessings He poured out. That I left a legacy of love that pointed people to Jesus as the everlasting hope. I can't do that alone, but I don't have to ;) cause He'll never leave me, no matter how old I get!

probably a long update...

we just used some old apples to make this new recipe called 'almost apple pie cake'...it hasn't finished cooking yet so I don't know if it's a winner or not, but if the smell is any indication it's gonna be delicious. apple and cinnamon just smell so GOOD :)

so...i ended up not going to work last thurs - Josh got another ear infection (praise the Lord for carer's leave!). the grommets are still in his ears so i'm a little concerned and we'll be visiting the specialist again soon. one dr we saw said that he has enlarged (but not infected) tonsils, which apparently can be part of the reason the eustachian tube doesn't drain the ear properly and he's had such chronic ear infections...poor fella :(

friday was a great/busy day at work and then straight to Shellharbour for the AYM weekend. we took Josh on AYM back when he was less than 12 months old and it was good but we decided we probably wouldn't do it again...esp not with 2 kids. But the original leaders of the team to Shellharbour couldn't go...so we did! We stayed with the Pastor and his wife - Bill and Robyn Morris - whom we knew from when they used to attend our church here in Canberra a few years ago. They were fantastic with the kids and really made the weekend stress free for us. Another family in their church had sent over a huge box of fantastic toys that kept both boys occupied really well the few times we actually had time at home.

Friday night we arrived just in time for the youth get together at church, sang a few songs and shared some testimonies. Then of course we went to the favourite supper venue for a lot of pentecostals - MCDONALD'S :) Josh was very happy to get to play in the play area and even got me into part of it (altho I nearly got stuck!).

Saturday we had a church picnic in Kiama - I have never been there before and thought it was a lovely venue. We saw the blow hole - very cool! After lunch nearly everyone got into throwing rocks across the water, trying to skip them :) it was a nice, relaxed and fun time.

Saturday night was youth service. The three of us girls on the team all gave a 10min exhortation after Aaron led worship. I spoke about fear...I think I might even put up a condensed version of what I said on here for my own future reference. It was a great night. The church was very supportive of the kids and really took the pressure off me feeling like i had to keep them perfectly quiet and still.

Sunday morning I didn't do anything in church :) and Josh went out to sunday school so it was great!! lol, I'm such a slacker. The other girls sang and it was lovely. Aaron preached such a good message, really allowing God to speak thru him. We followed all that up with wonderful food at the church fellowship luncheon. The kids at church were wonderful, really took Josh in and he had the best time.

We packed up that afternoon to head back straight after the evening service. It was great too, and I testified briefly and sang. But the boys were SO tired...they really just couldn't sit still thru that service :( so I pretty much missed the preaching...it was a relief to get them in the car eventually (10pm) and they fell asleep pretty quick.

So yeah. that's the shortest run-down I could give!! We had a wonderful time and it was a LOT easier than I was anticipating :) love that!

Women's Ministries Retreat 2008

Well, Heather certainly did a good job of blogging what happened over the weekend away! There isn't a lot more to say...but I'll give it a go just so I've got my own record ;) lol

So yeah...we headed off on friday evening in the rain. It was an 'interesting' drive, with first the accident near Lake George, then the crazy wind and nearly horizontal rain and then of course getting lost and all that involved! Thankfully David Kent was very gracious when I called him and gave us very clear directions that got us straight there (considering all I told him about where we were was, 'The maccas in Campbelltown'...he did pretty well!). We thought it was all over once we parked in their carpark, until I looked out the window and nearly went into total hysteria over seeing a scary apparition of a woman with a mobile phone lighting up her face in the darkness...I guess you had to be there...but man I was SCREAMING, she was so scary looking!

But yeah, after all that drama we knew God must have something pretty cool planned (plus the fact that all of us had experienced some form of really not wanting to go that day too). Sometimes you aren't always aware of what 'bad' things could happen til you look back, and I am grateful that we were protected thru that whole journey.

Saturday morning just started straight off with such a powerful move of God and anointed ministry. God really spoke to me and dealt with me on a couple of different levels, all related to what I had prayed for before we went. It was just like God came and totally saturated that place with His presence and it would've been pretty hard to be there and NOT be touched and changed. As Heather said, the Fijian item was fantastic :) and I was particularly moved by the item on the saturday night by the ladies from Hoppers Crossing.

On the sunday night for the final service, I was actually thinking - God has done so much for me so far, I really wonder what tonight will be like...well, of course God again had awesome plans and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

I don't think any camp I've been to before has been as life-changing as this one - PRAISE GOD!

my holidays are nearly over :(

Aaron's second day at home was such a blessing - he is really so good to me. I was having one of those exhausted days that you sometimes have when you're pregnant, and he let me go back to bed and sleep while Kai was having his morning nap. But not only that, he also vacuumed downstairs :) Later in the day he spent time with Joshy making a banana cake and some more banana choc chip muffins. They had such a great time and Josh is getting really good at helping in the kitchen.

On wednesday we had a big day planned out at Gold Creek with Pam and the kids visiting the Reptile Centre and checking out the shops (and possibly the Dinosaur museum, altho we didn't make it there). Unfortunately Josh got bitten by a kid at the play area outside Cafe Injoy :( and then both boys just totally got over the whole shopping idea by the time we got to The Style Emporium so our day was cut short. But they really enjoyed checking out the display of snakes and lizards etc at the reptile centre. Here's some great pics Pam took cause I seem to be incapable of taking pictures of anything at the moment!

The boys in front of a T-Rex jaw

The boys and I checking out the blue tongue lizard

Josh with what I *think* is a diamond python...

...and again

The bearded dragon. I couldn't see him in the enclosure until the guy there pointed him out to me (the enclosure was bigger than it looks in this photo, I've cropped it! So I wasn't that blind!! lol)

So today is pretty much the second last day of the holidays :( I've got lunch planned with an old school friend and coffee with another friend tomorrow so definitely keeping busy. I really wanted to get some scrapping done...maybe tonight.

After home group (which was really good!) last night we checked out Jamie Oliver's 'Eat to save your life'. I really got a lot out of it despite the fact that we only caught the last hr or so. God has really been dealing with me about the stewardship of my body (and the other bodies in this family) lately...so with His help, some changes in store.

confessions :)

lol - for all of you that have read Pam's post...boy can I relate today. not to the poo today (but most of you know that I've SERIOUSLY been there done that, and hope to NEVER go there again!) but it's been a frustrating day...to say the least. possibly worse cause we've now had 3 consecutive frustrating days (actually more now that I think about it), and unfortunately for me, my 'looking for the blessing in it' ability - has vanished.

i once heard a talk on mother anger on Focus on the Family. Josh was less than a year old at the time and I remember feeling bad for those 'poor mothers' who got so frustrated with their kids that it turned to anger. now that Josh is 3.5yrs old, I can totally relate. And although I feel a twinge of fear that I'll be judged, I'm going to push past that and just admit that my blessing, the son I would give my life for and I love to bits...can sometimes push me so far that I need to remove myself from his presence in order to regain control. Because hearing those women talk about it back then allowed me to at least feel like I am not the only one, that there is hope and that yes, I can get the victory over this.

Right now I'm going to go upstairs and pray with my husband. Then I'm going to go into Josh's room and kiss him goodnight while he's asleep and pray that God will help me with this wonderful blessing that is motherhood, and enable me to rise above my shortcomings.

I can't believe the weekend is over already.

Staff retreat was great. I always kind of dread it cause it means time away from Aaron and the boys, but over the last few years I've enjoyed it more and more. I was sad cause my very good friend Ali wasn't able to go this year (pregnancy complications), so Nath (another member of our yr 5 team) organised for Robyn and I to be invited with the boys to breakfast at John's place. He's very sweet :) breakfast was great and reminded me of the group of us that first started at TCS and how we'd meet for breakfast quite a bit (well ok, they would meet and I would show up later once I was up and finally got there!)

Our travel arrangements were slightly altered at the last minute which ended up being a bit of a strain but praise God, we made it alive and only slightly travel sick.

The speaker was good, told lots of stories which I always enjoy. Challenged us about our personal walk with God and our integrity (both personally and professionally).

The food was...um...good for vegetarian I guess! I haven't really had a lot of exposure to real vegetarian food (like vege mince) so it was an eye opener. We're going there again next year so I'm going to have to think of something...special dietary requirements or the like ;) they had AWESOME cookies tho, ate quite a few of them :)

All the girls in our cabin talked til after midnight :) we ended up talking a lot about the different churches we go to. I've only ever been to a catholic church (that I grew up with) and the one I'm at now (pentecostal) so I don't know a lot about other places. It was all very interesting. We had a great night. They were all shocked that someone would run during a worship service in our church. lol

Got back around 5pm saturday and grabbed a quick nap before we headed out to church that night (special service with visiting ministry). Most of the time it feels like an exercise in futility going with the kids, but we persevere. Sunday night was the best for us, the boys were AMAZING (and it made such a difference that Nic and Jim took Kai for me, thanks guys!) I so appreciated being able to really get into a service. Bro Johnson had a word from God for us too, which blessed and touched me on so many levels...it's hard to explain so I won't. Just feeling very much in awe of God and His love for me. And excited about His plans for our future.

Got a pretty busy week ahead - reports are due next week so I'll be flat out doing grades and writing comments. Taking Josh to questacon with Pam and the kids on wednesday (Josh is REALLY looking forward to that!) swimming - oops, that's NOW!! my grandma over for dinner and all the other regular stuff. Should be great :)

have a great week too!